One of the things that gives me the biggest ick is when someone tells me, “Oh my gosh, you’re such a hard worker.” I see so many women carry that phrase around like a trophy, and if you’re trying to figure out how to stop overworking as a business owner, I think it’s the very first thing we need to talk about. It is not the compliment we have all agreed that it is.
When I was 21, I had just moved to Ottawa and I hadn’t even started my first business yet. I was working a nine-to-five in finance that I honestly thought was my dream job. One evening I was getting ready to go out with one of my sisters (yes, I have three of them), and right around that time I had realized two things: I actually hated that dream job, and I had just come across the book The Secret, which is where my entire self-development journey began. I remember turning to her and saying, “I just don’t want to have to work hard in the traditional sense to make money.” What I meant was that I wanted nothing to do with the hustle, the grind, and the rigidity that I could already feel pressing down on me, and I still feel exactly the same way today.
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Why “You’re Such a Hard Worker” Isn’t the Compliment We Think It Is
Let me be clear that I’m not saying we can sit around, do nothing, and expect our goals to magically happen. I’m determined and I’m consistent, and I know that action matters. What I’m pushing back on is the idea that being the hardest working woman in the room is something to be proud of, because I genuinely don’t want to be known that way.
How Hard Work Became Our Proof of Being Good Enough
I get why we do it, because I’m a high achiever who grew up the same way so many of us did. Hard work was the one thing nobody could criticize, and I heard “she has a good work ethic” so often that it slowly became the way I earned feeling good enough. You get praised for being a hard worker, and over time it quietly stops being something you do and becomes who you are.
Why Exhaustion Makes Success Feel Socially Safe
The part I don’t think we talk about enough is that being exhausted, busy, and a little burnt out makes success feel socially safe. Nobody looks at a woman who is running on empty and asks, “Who does she think she is?” That’s why I don’t believe the grind is just a habit. I think, for a lot of us, it’s a cover-up that protects us from the discomfort of being seen as successful without suffering for it.
What Does It Mean to Stop Overworking as a Business Owner?
To stop overworking as a business owner means separating your sense of worth from the number of hours you put in, so that your effort is driven by strategy rather than by a need to prove yourself. It isn’t about doing less for the sake of it. It’s about identifying the work that actually moves your business forward and giving yourself permission to stop once that work is done.
What I Learned From Burning Out in Almost Every Business I Built
Before coaching, I was booked out months in advance as a wedding photographer and then as a brand photographer, and my entire worth was tied to what I accomplished. I burnt out in pretty much every business I built, except coaching. It took me a long time to see that the hard work wasn’t what was making me successful. It was simply what was making me tired.
I see this pattern in my clients constantly, too. I have a woman in my mastermind right now who just had her highest month ever while working fewer hours than she ever has, about six hours a day. Even so, she’ll still say on our calls, “I just need to grind for this season and put in the hours.” Because her identity is so wrapped up in being a hard worker, a business where she works less and makes more actually feels more uncomfortable to her than the grind ever did. Our brains are funny like that, and it’s exactly why this work has to go deeper than time management.
Working Smart Instead of Working Hard
So if I don’t want to work hard, what do I want? I want to work smart. I want to be the most strategic, efficient woman in the room, the one who thinks through what actually needs to happen to reach a goal and then does only that.
I do want to be consistent and I do want to keep showing up for myself, but I don’t need the rigidity that so often comes with the word “discipline.” I think of it as finding a balance between masculine and feminine energy, where I know what to do and I take action on it without falling into the push, push, push mentality. I know “work smarter, not harder” is a total cliché, but it truly is my entire goal, and it’s the foundation of everything I teach as a business coach for female entrepreneurs.
This is a huge part of what we do inside The F-YES Mastermind. It’s a room where hard work is not the currency and nobody earns a gold star for being the most exhausted or getting the most “homework” done. Instead, we work on the patterns underneath the grind, the beliefs that tell you that you have to earn your success by suffering or sacrificing for it, and we build a business that grows because it’s smart rather than because you’re running yourself into the ground.
How to Stop Overworking as a Business Owner: Steps to Try This Week
I know it’s easy to nod along to a post like this and then go right back to your normal routine, so here is what I’d love for you to actually try this week.
- Notice the next moment you catch yourself saying, “I’m just going to push through,” and pause before you do.
- Ask yourself one question: what is the smartest, easiest, fastest way to get this done?
- Choose that answer instead of the most impressive option or the one that proves how hard you’re working, and notice how often it’s simpler than you expected.
- Pick one workday this week and end it an hour early.
- Don’t make that hour up later, which means no sneaky laptop time after the kids go to bed and no “just a few emails” on Saturday.
- Pay attention to what comes up, whether it’s guilt, an itchy feeling that you’re getting away with something, or a voice asking who you think you are.
Whatever surfaces during that hour is the real work, because it’s the hard worker badge of honour talking loud and clear. I’d love to hear how it goes, so send me a DM on Instagram and tell me which day you’re ending early and what came up for you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do I feel guilty when I’m not working?
Guilt often shows up when your sense of worth has been tied to productivity for a long time. If being a hard worker is how you learned to feel good enough, resting can feel like you’re breaking a rule, even when your business is doing well.
Can you grow a business without working long hours?
Yes, and many of my clients are doing it right now. Growth comes from focussing on the few things that actually move your business forward, not from the sheer number of hours you spend at your desk.
What’s the difference between working hard and working smart?
Working hard measures success by effort and exhaustion, while working smart measures it by results and how efficiently you reach them. Working smart still requires consistency, but it lets go of the rigidity and the need to prove yourself through suffering.
How do I know if my identity is tied to being a hard worker?
A good test is to notice how you feel when you finish early or take time off. If you feel uneasy, restless, or like you need to make up the time later, there’s a good chance your worth is still attached to how hard you work.
The Compliment I Want for You Instead
We overcomplicate the heck out of business, and it simply doesn’t need to be as hard as we make it. The next time someone tells you that you’re such a hard worker, I hope it gives you a little bit of the ick too. More than that, I hope that one day someone says, “Wow, you’re so smart about how you run your business and how you manage your time,” because that is the compliment I truly want for you.
If you’re ready to build a business that fits into your life, there are a few ways we can work together. The Evolving Entrepreneur is my group program for women who want more clients, clarity, and confidence without the grind, 1:1 coaching is there if you’d love personalized support, and The F-YES Mastermind. is where we go deepest on the patterns that keep you working harder than you need to. Early bird for the mastermind closes November 13th and includes $1,000 of bonus one-on-one coaching, so if that room feels like a yes, you can apply through the link below.
