“Is it selfish of me to want to make $300K a year?” A client asked me that during a one-on-one session recently, and it has become one of the questions I think about most when it comes to money mindset for women entrepreneurs. If you knew her, you would understand why it stopped me in my tracks, because she is one of the most generous, client-first, big-hearted women I know. She would give you the shirt off her back and then ask whether you needed a jacket too. And yet she was genuinely worried that wanting more for herself made her a bad person.
If you have ever thought something similar, even quietly and even if you have never said it out loud, this post is for you. I want to call out something I think you need to hear, which is that wanting more is not the selfish choice. I actually believe that staying small, and calling it “staying humble,” is the choice that costs the people around you the most.
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Where Does the “Selfish” Story Come From?
Before I could believe that wanting more was allowed, I had to look honestly at where the opposite belief came from, and for me it started at home.
Growing up with “must be nice”
For me, this is not a theory. It is something I have lived. I grew up working class, my parents worked overtime all the time, and most of the people around me hated their jobs. We heard “money doesn’t grow on trees” a lot, and anyone who had more than us was not someone we looked up to. They were someone we looked down on, usually with a quick “must be nice.” That quietly planted a story in me that it simply was not possible for someone from a small town, someone like me, to make six figures.
So when I started building a business and especially when I started wanting multiple six figures, which no one in my family had ever made, it felt incredibly exciting and also a little like betrayal. I worried that I would magically become a different person, and that the people who loved me would look at me and see someone who thought she was better than them.
A Coping Mechanism, Not a Moral Position
I say this gently, because I have so much compassion for where those stories come from. In my opinion, “must be nice” was never really a moral position. It was a coping mechanism. When you are working overtime in a job you do not love, looking down on people with more makes it a little easier to live with having less. It kept people safe, but it did not make them happy.
I do not believe those stories anymore, and I have the proof. Money did not make me a different or worse person. It gave me more ways to be who I already am, to support the people I love, to make more memories, and to fund the life I put on my vision board every November during my free vision board workshop.
Why Does Wanting More Money Feel Selfish for Women?
The stories we grow up with are only part of it, because the guilt women feel around wanting more is also something society actively reinforces.
Nobody Calls a Man Selfish
Nobody calls a man selfish for wanting a $300K year. We call him ambitious, a good provider, smart with money, and someone who is building something for his family. When a woman wants exactly the same thing, the word “selfish” often shows up in her own head before anyone else ever says it. I do not think that is an accident, and I believe “selfish” is one of the most effective words ever invented for keeping women in line.
What makes it so sneaky is that the women I work with know exactly what people deserve. They will fight for their clients’ rates without blinking, tell their sister to charge more, and go to bat for anyone they love. They just do not count themselves as one of those people.
What the Research Says
This is not a personal failing, and the research backs that up. In a study from Columbia Business School, participants negotiated a starting salary either for themselves or on behalf of a friend. According to the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School, women bargaining for themselves opened with counteroffers about $7,000 lower than women negotiating for a friend, while women advocating for someone else bargained just as hard as the men did. The reason was a fear of backlash. Women have learned that asking for themselves gets them punished while asking for others does not, so we are not bad at wanting. We have simply been conditioned to believe that wanting for ourselves is dangerous.
What Is Money Mindset for Women Entrepreneurs?
Money mindset for women entrepreneurs is the set of beliefs, stories, and emotional patterns a woman business owner holds about earning, wanting, and keeping money. A healthy money mindset allows her to name her revenue goals clearly, price her work with confidence, and treat money as a neutral tool that amplifies her values rather than something that makes her greedy. If you want to go deeper on this, I also talk about why successful women downplay their biggest wins in an earlier episode.
You Want the Life, So You Want the Money
Here is where it gets interesting, because I see this all the time. Women will hide the revenue they want to make, or refuse to name a number at all, and then in the very same conversation they tell me they want two or three vacations a year, slow mornings, a house cleaner, trips with their kids, and the ability to say yes to things without checking their bank account first. Those things obviously require more money.
One client recently told me she was not in business for the money and then described the lifestyle she wanted in beautiful detail. When I asked whether that lifestyle would require a certain amount of money, she paused and said she had never thought of it that way. It feels safer to want the life than to let yourself want the money it takes to have that life, because wanting the vacation feels innocent while wanting the dollar amount feels selfish. They are the same want, though. You do not have to be in it for the money from a values standpoint, but if you are in it for the life, then you are in it for the money that makes that life possible, and that is allowed.
Is There a Line Where Wanting More Becomes Greedy?
I can already hear some of you asking whether there is a point where wanting more does make you greedy. My honest answer is that I do not think there is a line. It comes back to your values first and only, because money is a neutral tool that does not change who you are. It amplifies who you are. If someone is egotistical and greedy, money will amplify that, but they were already that person before they had it. If your whole business was built on caring deeply for people, money amplifies more generosity, more presence, and more care. And if you are lying awake at night worrying that wanting more makes you a bad person, I promise you are not the greedy one, because greedy people do not lose sleep over this.
Why Staying Small Is the Selfish Choice
When my client looked honestly at who would benefit if she had that $300K year, the list included her family, her clients, her community, and the causes she would give back to. She would have more support, more energy to pour into the people she loves, and the memories on her vision board would actually happen. Most of the people on that list were not her. When you refuse to want more, you are not really protecting anyone. You are putting the fear of being judged ahead of everyone your money would actually serve, including every woman watching you to see what is possible for her.
The world is perfectly comfortable with women who work hard, but it is deeply uncomfortable with women who earn well and are happy. That is why “you work so hard” gets handed out as a compliment, and honestly, it is the worst one you could ever give me. I would much rather women look at my life and realize that you can earn well, be present, and actually enjoy it.
As a business coach for female entrepreneurs, this is one of my favourite things to work on with clients. In the F-YES Mastermind, we work with women around the $125K to $150K mark who want to keep growing without sacrificing what matters most, and a huge part of that growth is not strategy at all. It is learning to want the next level out loud, without the guilt or the disclaimers. Doors close on January 8th. If you are earlier in your business, the Evolving Entrepreneur gives you the clarity, clients, and confidence to build your foundation, and if you would prefer to work together privately, 1:1 coaching gives us space to unpack your own money stories in depth.
How to Shift Your Money Mindset: A Simple Exercise
This is the exercise I gave my client, and it takes less than ten minutes.
- Grab a piece of paper, open your notes app, or pull out your journal, whichever feels easiest.
- Write down your next revenue number, whether it is $300K, more than that, or less.
- Underneath it, list every single person and every way your life and community would benefit if you hit that number.
- Look at the list and notice how many of the people on it are not you.
- Say your number out loud to someone you trust, without shrinking it or adding a disclaimer.
If you are setting goals for the year ahead, my post on goal setting for the new year pairs well with this exercise.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it selfish to want to make more money as a woman entrepreneur?
No, wanting to make more money is not selfish. Money is a neutral tool that amplifies who you already are, so if your business is built on care for others, more money means more generosity and support for the people around you.
Why do women feel guilty about wanting more money?
Many women absorb stories about money in childhood, and they are also socially conditioned to expect backlash for advocating for themselves. Research from Columbia Business School found that women negotiate far more assertively for others than for themselves, largely because of that fear of backlash.
Does making more money change who you are?
Making more money does not change your values. It magnifies them, which means a generous, caring woman simply gains more ways to be generous and caring.
How do I set a revenue goal without feeling greedy?
Start by connecting your number to the life you want and the people it will serve. Write down your goal, list everyone who benefits when you reach it, and remember that the lifestyle you dream about and the revenue that funds it are the same want.
Wanting More Is One of the Most Generous Things You Can Do
Every time a woman shrinks what she wants, whether it is her revenue goal or another dream entirely, she makes it a little harder for the next woman to believe it is possible for her. A healthy money mindset for women entrepreneurs is not about greed. It is about letting your ambition point straight toward the people you love. Staying small is the selfish choice, and I do not believe you were made to play small. If this episode stirred something in you, I would love to hear your next number, and when you are ready for support in going after it, you can explore the ways we can work together.
Listen to the full episode above, and if Alina’s perspective resonated with you, you can find her at Exhale Psychology Group or on Instagram at @exhale.psychology. And whenever you’re ready to stop carrying it all alone in your business, I’d love to support you inside the Evolving Entrepreneur, the F-YES Mastermind, or 1:1 coaching.
